Continued…. (See Part 1 here)
Mmmmm….castor oil. Bahaha { if you know, you know ;) }
Soon after we got home from getting the next round of antibiotics, Tye and I decided that we had better try to get at least a little bit of sleep. Tye laid down a few minutes before I did, but within MINUTES of me finally lying in bed, I could feel contractions. It felt like my body went from zero to sixty. The worst part was that it was all back labor. Ugh. For the first few minutes I had Tye lay behind me and put counter pressure on my back. It wasn’t long though, before the castor oil “kicked in” if you will…if you know anything about castor oil, that means laboring on the toilet is essentially your only option. So while my body essentially cleaned itself out (sorry not sorry), my amazing darling FANTASTIC husband continued to give me counter pressure on my back (I cannot even describe how much this helped—it was the difference between “oh my gosh I can’t do this” and “ok, this is bearable”). I essentially spent the next 2+ hours laboring in the bathroom with Tye giving me counter-pressure on my lower back pretty much the whole time. At some point I was able to leave the bathroom without fear (LOL).
I began pacing the house and then pacing our driveway as Tye tried to coax me into the car because not only was it time for me to get another round of antibiotics, but at this point contractions were coming one on top of the other and it was clearly time to actually be at the birth center. I remember strongly considering the idea of a home birth, because getting in the car sounded like the worst thing EVER. Somehow Tye finally convinced me to get in the car and pedal to the floor we were off to the birth center. It felt like we hit every light between our house and the interstate. At one light there was a police car in front of us and Tye almost flagged him down and asked for a police escort. Normally something like this would leave me mortified, but at the time it seemed like a fantastic idea. (haha) There were two or three strong contractions that occurred on the drive in which I threw me whole upper body on to Tye because I was that uncomfortable. Even with all that, Tye drove fast enough and ran enough red lights to cut the drive time almost in half. We pulled into the parking lot around 4:30a.m.
As we got settled into the birth room, Wendy asked if I felt “pushy.” My immediate response was “uh, not that I can tell.” But within a few minutes the answer was a resounding YES! The next two hours are a bit of a blur, as I was completely in the zone with pushing and focusing on relaxing my body as much as possible. I should probably have mentioned this earlier in this post, but I took a Hypnobabies home study course as part of my labor prep. While I think all of the craziness and anxiety from early labor prevented me from focusing on having a true “hypnotic” birth, I did utilize the relaxation strategies that are part of the class. I also credit the course and all the audio tracks with building my confidence in my body’s ability to give birth. It’s not that I was naïve to the fact that complications can happen, but I focused on the fact that my body was made for this, and didn’t let anxiety or other people’s doubts hinder me. When contractions started in those early morning hours, I just took them as they came, and didn’t worry about anything else.
Once I felt the need to push, I got down on the floor on all fours (remember this was NOT gross hospital floor y’all), as this seemed like the most natural position to be in at that time. (You know what no one tells you about your water breaking early? You continue to leak amniotic fluid until you give birth. Just picture a big puddle of fluid on the floor of the birth room, and me apologizing like a total goof. lol) The only thing I really remember from this part of labor is that I could still converse some between contractions/pushing. I also remember Wendy and Tye telling me that my daughter had a full head of dark hair. When I heard that, it really hit me that I was in labor and we were having a baby—SOON. haha After I had been pushing at least an hour, someone (nurse or midwife…who knows?) asked if I wanted to get in the birthing tub. At the time I could not imagine climbing in there (even though I was only a couple feet from it the whole time). I knew I wanted to have a water birth though, so I agreed. With the help of Tye and at least one other person, I climbed in, and quickly figured out that being on my knees with my upper body hanging over the side was the best/most comfortable position for me. In the middle of Tye continually giving me counter pressure through every contraction, he also kept begging me to eat. I was so congested from the cold I was nursing that anything that went into my mouth tasted like sawdust. At one point I even spit out a graham cracker into Tye’s hand because my mouth was too dry to swallow it. After that, I just stuck to drinking water for the remainder of labor.
Like I said, most of this part of labor was a blur for me, because I was so focused on pushing. I remember being completely exhausted and talking a lot, but definitely not in a conversational/cheery way. One phrase I recall saying repeatedly was “I can’t do this. I’m so tired.” I remember saying this between contractions. If you know anything about natural labor, you know that women often say this right before the baby comes (although I was totally not thinking that at the time). Of course Tye, Wendy, and the nurse—whose name was Charlotte by the way—were all so encouraging and told me I was doing great and that I COULD do this. For the last 20-30 minutes (I’m totally guessing, because I definitely never looked at a clock once we arrived at the birth center), I’m pretty sure I alternated between dropping F-bombs (sorry mom) and saying “please Jesus” with each contraction/push. BALANCE people, balance. lol (Wendy later told me that I seemed to push harder/better when saying the F-word…whatever works!) Perhaps ironically given everything else coming from my mouth, the last thing I remember saying between contractions was “You can do this. You were made to do this.” At some point between F-bombs and pep talks to myself, Wendy asked me to push a little harder. In all honesty, this scared me, but I trusted her, and I put all my energy into pushing at that point. If I were to guesstimate, I’d say Ellis was born maybe five minutes later. All I remember about that last push is that I gave it everything I had and Ellis Ann Fitzgerald essentially came all the way out (I was not in the position where her head was out and I had to keep pushing) at exactly 6:56a.m. on October 8, 2018. {If you’re keeping track, I pushed for over 2 hours…and as bad as that sounds, it honestly didn’t feel that long.}
Because I was still lying over the side of the birthing tub, my body essentially went limp once she was out, so I had to have a good bit of help to flip over and hold my sweet girl. The moment Wendy put her on my chest is one I will never forget. ALL THE FEELS!!! Obviously she was perfect. I don’t remember this really, but Tye took a video of me shortly after Ellis was born and it’s basically me saying, “It’s okay. It’s okay” (she was crying) and “You did a good job! You came out…I can’t believe you’re here.” And then I proceeded to tell her about how her room was going to be sooo cute, but that it was not at all ready. LOL #priorities
While Ellis and I were talking nursery décor, we were also waiting for the placenta to come out. I was having no contractions though and when I tried to push, I could tell nothing was really happening. We discussed the option to give me a shot of Pitocin in my thigh to get my uterus to contract and expel the placenta, but I asked if we could wait as long as possible to see if it would happen on its own. Long story short, that didn’t happen…so after waiting several minutes (there’s debate between Tye and I on how long this was, but anywhere from 20-40 minutes), Tye cut the umbilical cord and got to hold his little girl for the first time. If you know anything about Tye and his lifelong ‘baby fever’, you know this moment was priceless. Since the placenta was still not moving, Wendy and Charlotte helped me out of the tub and onto the bed, where I was given the shot in my thigh. Within minutes, the placenta essentially just fell out (this part is so hazy to me). In retrospect, I kind of wish I had seen it, because housing an extra organ (in addition to a HUMAN BEING) for 9ish months is kind of cool, y’all.
The rest of the morning/afternoon is a blur of baby snuggles, poop, and forgetting to let our family know that Ellis was here (oops—sorry fam!). If you’re wondering why I never mention how many centimeters I was at any point during labor, it’s because I have no idea. Wendy asked a few times if she could check my cervix, but I refused every time. Cervical exams are really uncomfortable for me, and I knew that it would likely cause me to tense up and in turn slow down labor progression. All in all, I was very happy with how my labor and delivery went. I feel so grateful that labor picked up and I was able to have an unmedicated water birth at the birth center. But most of all, I am eternally grateful for the precious gift that I was able to bring earth-side that day. She brings us more joy than we could ever imagine.
Moments after Ellis was born